its been a whirlwind kinda ride this summer. i made no definite plans; kinda just went with the flow, but as i look back i'm beginning to see a pattern. this summer truly has been filled with blessings. its been filled with so much love from my dearest friends with whom i've spent so much time on. its been filled with last minute opporunities to serve God. the most recent being the last second call to be a facilitator at BLD Rockland's first YE ("YE 1?! RAAAAWWRR!!! OMNOMNOMNOM BARRIER BARRIER BARRIER!").  in a word, it was so awesome. =) I was so scared, more scared than I'd like to admit, that I would fail. But as i read the readings prior to the weekend, it kept reminding me to trust. so i did & God took over once again. seriously i can say He did everything cuz i'm a mess. hahaa. I pray that this new class will stay together and be a strong foundation for Rockland's youth ministry. & just when i thought that the feeling of accomplishment was my only reward, i get a call during the retreat right after one of my talks on saturday night that i got a job. it was an answer to my many long months of praying! let me tell you how i even got there. I went to a.c. moore to look for possible stuffs for the YE the monday before the weekend and i ran into a former co-worker. we hugged and she immediately asked me if i was still looking for a job and i said yes but told her i applied a month before and no one called me. But she insisted that i go to the front and fill out another application. so reluctantly i did as she asked thinking nothing would come from it. honestly its been months of filling out application after application and the rejection was getting to me that i no longer wanted to try. so i was in the middle of filling out the darn thing and she tells me to wait and that the manager would interview me right on the spot. O_O! i was a little surprised i was not expecting this at all. i was dressed in a summer dress and flip flops looking like i was ready to go to the beach, not a job interview and i was worried that would ruin my chances. But it was a good interview and i had all my former coworkers backing me up telling him that i'm awesome! it felt so good to get so much love from them even after not working there for 2 years. he said he'd call by friday and i'd find out his answer. so friday comes and i'm preparing to leave for the retreat and still no call so i expect nothing to come from it and go about the weekend like i'm supposed to. and BAM! this brings us to the present. =) i had work today & he even negotiated a raise a from my previous salary. its not my dream job, but its a job i feel confident doing and all the people who i didn't like are no longer working there. the hours are so much better than before so at this point i can't complain.

Good news all around especially since last thursday i had an ultrasound of my neck and the results came back that there were no suspicious growths or whatnot. which means all signs so far are pointing to my cancer being gone. so far so good. another fear of repeating last year has been almost averted. i'm getting a body scan soon to give a more definite answer. i feel like i'm getting my life back. its been a tough year of losing so much & yet i can say i'm gaining everything back times a million. It just shows how God can give you trials in life to truly transform you little by little if you just accept them willingly. craziness! i'm so ecstatically happy and thankful to Him.

and now i have to give a 20 minute john 6 teaching in two weeks and i'm still wondering what topic i'm going to do. they only gave me one parameter which is "challenges facing youth today". i basically have to have it ready in a week and its a pretty open subject which is what's giving me a little trouble, but has lead me to my newest summer goal. in my search for good catholic topics of which i can base my teaching on i found this article which is a how to on being an apologist: http://www.catholic.com/library/Starting_Out_as_an_Apologist.asp its been such an interest of mine, apologetics that is, but i realized i really haven't dove into the subject as much as i would like to. so i decided after reading the article that with the remainder of my summer i will go through, step by step, the list and do it. its a pretty good article and i suggest you read it and do the same. =) be like nike: just do it. lol  anyways if anyone has any suggestions as to what topic i should do haller at cha gurrl! peace out. <3333

(once again its been quite some time since i last wrote here, but since insomnia has once again inprisoned me i thought, "why not spend some time pouring my heart & soul into my xanga?". Oh how times have changed... and yet some things stay the same.)

decisions...

i've been making a lot of "decisions" & sticking to them in an effort to change/improve my life. to live what i say in order to make what i say matter. for example, i decided that i would sing at an open mic night. its on my bucket list & i really want to make an active effort to crossing stuff off that list. yesterday evening, i lived up to my decision with the help of 2 friends. i will probably barely remember the fact that i messed up slightly. however, i will forever cherish the memory of my friends who came from all over just to support me. how they smiled and made faces while i sang in order to get me to loosen up ( i was quite nervous). how there were so many people who came just for me that the workers were getting annoyed. yes, i really love you guys for that! xD (perhaps i'll post a link here when my friend uploads it.) THANKS!!! <333

i've also decided to try to be more approachable/warm by smiling at strangers who walk past, being consciously nicer to people i come into contact with, etc. so far i think i am succeeding. i've noticed that if you smile, the tendency is that those around you smile as well. fake it till you make it works out in this respect. happiness is starting to find me as i try to project happiness to the world. i guess that whole YE thang about getting what you put it works in life as well as a BLD retreat.

i've decided to be more open & less afraid about sharing my faith. & as a direct result, friendships that i have made, i feel to be fuller & richer than if i hadn't made this resolution. God is directing my life in ways i never knew. i feel like he's pushing me to be more confident when it comes to loving Him & listening & obeying & sharing. sometimes i can see that there a lot of things in my life that would occupy a person with worry, but at the same time i feel a reassurance that i'll be okay. the word TRUST, seems to be on repeat in my brain. so i am. =)

and finally i want to live my life's motto: "live passionately." passion in all aspects of my life. mostly, i've achieved some success & in some parts i've only just begun. but i WILL do it. it may cost me a lot, i may have to suffer for it, but the rewards are great. dear God, help me do this!!